Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than
you are to your comfort zone. -Billy Cox
So let’s paint the scenario. Is this how you feel? You try and try and try…. then nothing. Then after being mad, and crying, or overworking yourself, you do it all over again. You try…and try…and try!! Try for what? -Finding fulfillment!
I’ve often been asked how I did it. Yeah, life’s been rough with me. I was dealt with some nasty cards. I hurt myself over and over and on purpose made the wrong choices because I deserved nothing good. All I knew was hurt, and anger. It consumed me and I hurt many. I love telling stories, and I love finding out what makes people tick. I find out what it is, and then my brain runs overflowing with ideas for YOUR dream. and how it can happen. I have been given a gift. I know this now. For years, I pushed away my purpose away due to fear, embarrassment, baggage, old scars, anger, and most of all constantly feeding constant negativity to my own spirit. My ego was bigger than any purpose I was meant to put into motion. I needed to learn how to kill that ego if I wanted to help others…(the right way). To assist in my mental breakdown, was “right and wrong” based on other’s opinions. Because we’ve all been so freaking programmed by the corporate world and by society standards, we hide our true purpose and become robots. So after many tears, screaming at others like a crazy maniac. After many nights of being in my silence wanting to kill myself, little by little, I began to find answers. You will realize this in your own transformation. You are finding your needs, your likes, your own ideas, and feelings, and you will no longer hide them. Because it’s what makes you…YOU! We often think people will laugh; no one will get what I’m doing… and so on. You’ll also notice that you begin to care for your possibilities of finding something bigger than you. Your dream, your spirit, and healing. Once this happens, you’ll protect it like a lion. Beginning to feel the joy and embracing future possibilities, you hope to receive a standing ovation for all the work you’ve done, but rather receive rolling eyes from those filled with their own ego. Suddenly you’re crazier than you were before and the hard work and tears, and bottles of pills in front of you seem mediocre at best. Truthfully, this is something everyone needs to keep in check. It’s a stabbing knife through the heart. Listen, you can sit there all you want and say Nah…I got my shit together. Well…. to that I say…Then why the hell aren’t you sharing your secret? Because we’re all liers! We’re not ok. We’re all some sort of mad and we’re always looking for the next fix. That’s not being ok. Now, I’ll have many friends send me messages I’m sure, “Hey Sandra, you ok?” Listen, folks, I”m more ok than you think. The question is… are you? One very important to understand is that any writing I may or may not do in the future has nothing to do with you or anyone else. This was one HUGE part of my fears. If I write so many people will take it personally. In the about section of the HUNGRY FOR ME page, it says I was going to be very open and honest. You take it personally…have a talk in the mirror.
I lived my life for others. I helped others more than ever helping myself. Then one very important person in my life said this to me. You really can’t help anyone until you help yourself. How many times haven’t we heard that? Yet, for me this time was different? I knew at that moment, I needed to ‘really’ re-think my whole life’s choices. The thing is….when you do this, it’s fucking scary because you will lose much and many along the way. Have you ever heard people say, “they became famous, then we never saw them again” – well friends, I hate to tell you this; They didn’t become famous and leave you. The thing is …..you didn’t follow. Making real-life changes means peeling away the old skin. That hurts! Many of us, end up alone because those we’ve loved simply don’t get it. Our expectations are higher for ourselves, therefore they will be the same for those we love. For me, it’s been my biggest reason for losing many. I see in you what you don’t. Then my insides explode with excitement to show you what I see. Yes, my expectations of you become high, but I’ve always said this. If I take the tie to piss you off by pushing you…it’s because I LOVE YOU! I see in your grandness and a life full of possibilities. Sometimes this can be a challenge. Ahhhh….. Expectations! that’s another topic.
So back to the thing about change. Now I suppose it’s my turn. I will not apologize for being who I am. I will now learn to see MY OWN possibilities, my own purpose, and use my gift to do more as I was intended. I may lose many more along the way….o not… it’s up to you!
So… I’ll be straight with you, STOP FUCKING WHINING! Get your shit together too and keep up!