I don’t usually speak of my past, but those who know me agree it hasn’t been easy. I somehow made it despite my past childhood traumas and sorrows that haunted me. Challenges never end, but show the world and yourself that nothing will beat you. There is a time to begin living your life knowing you are the only one who can change it. Everyone handles their challenges differently, and I advocate for finding support in our community of like-minded folks. When I thought about this, I decided to answer questions I often get asked on my blog. It may give some comfort to what you may be going through.
Q: My husband left me, and I don’t know what to do. I have never had to manage things for myself and would need to figure out where to begin. How can I make this time easier, and how can I move forward? A: First, let me express how sorry I am you are going through this difficult time. Survival doesn’t come easy, but finding the power you’ve always had is essential. I won’t try to sweeten it; it won’t be easy. Our time on earth can sometimes be unkind, but we must acknowledge we are all survivors. Days will be long and tiring. Nights in your bed will be lonely. Bills will pile up, and if you have children, it makes it almost impossible to believe it can change. Most people will tell you to give it time, but you must be careful. Giving your future less time doesn’t provide you with power. Only your longing to find yourself in the chaos of life will show you who you are. Women need to reflect when their energy is consumed by caring for others.
I got home one day and noticed the key on the floor behind the door. He left me with a four-year-old, piled bills, and a home I couldn’t pay. I was a stay-at-home mom and had no idea what to do and where to start. I was now homeless with a four-year-old and no job. I also had to learn about finances and other obligations. I moved in with my parents, stopped crying, and realized that if I was strong enough to handle the abuse, I was strong enough to control it and protect myself and my boy. I looked for a financial advisor who would help me at no cost. You should research non-profit companies that help women empower themselves to be completely independent. Savvy Ladies is just one of many. www.savvyladies.org/about-us/
Don’t let go of hope; you can do this. It would help if you also considered volunteering in your local school, hospital, etc., even if it’s just once. I did it at a hospice facility, and it opened my eyes. Build new memories as fast as you can. Visit new places with your kids; you can find free things to do. Share time with them. Have a wine and cheese girls’ night at home. Cry together, laugh, and vent. There is strength in union. Eventually, you will find that you have beaten time because you took matters into your own hands. The time will come for dating and finding love again, but remember never to lose yourself while finding someone to share your life with. Look in the mirror and ask yourself this. “Does he deserve me? Does he deserve my body? Will he earn my embracing him and caring for him? Does he deserve my heart? Be honest with yourself. Learn to be with you when there’s no one else around. It might surprise you what a fantastic person you are and how lovely it is to hang out with you!
Sarah Maas said it best in her book Throne of Glass. “A warrior woman is a force to be reckoned with, her determination and passion driving her towards greatness.”
-Wishing you an amazing future.