“Be like a a tree and let the dead leves drop. – Rumi
She wondered if she could ever win the constant battle of who loves whom more. Intuitively we think about our romantic relationships as a never-ending competition. We battle over small things, and we often hear ourselves comparing our feelings to that of theirs. We sit with a friend who needs advice; we hear them out like a good friend, and then we have to put our two cents worth. I admit I have a terrible habit of doing that and saying, “If I were you,… I would”… so and so. – It’s self-serving. Through the years, I’ve learned that if more than two people tell me the same thing about me and my ways, I must see that there’s a problem. The idea is that we rarely listen. Why? Oh my dear, that’s when ego comes for a visit.
So, who loves whom more? People…it’s not a competition, it’s love. Simple and honest and pure. The kind of love you only experience when the two individuals are emotionally healthy. Through the challenging times of a relationship, we tend to get in our heads too much. Do they love me? How much? Do I love them? Probably more. Then we get into our heads, questioning everything, including finding reasons to sabotage the potential of fully loving and being loved.
Just for a moment, let’s look at relationships like we would a new job? If you go to a new company and a new position, you will always have to learn new ways of doing things. It doesn’t mean you will lose your identity, but rather enhance it. Why are we so afraid of losing ourselves? Are we so involved in us that we have to hold on to our practices? Some of us will even say, “Accept me as I am.” So, who is being self-centered?
The next time you meet someone, you may want to try to put your guard down. Learn about them, watch them, listen to their words. Be in the moment, particularly in the beginning. Learn about their petty habits and ask yourself if you can live with them. We all have a say, we all have a choice. There is no need to rush; there is no need to spill your guts at the beginning; there is no need to bring up anything but the present. If the relationship grows, let it grow with healthy soil. You will soon begin to see the fruit. With no drama, with no competition. Just the moment.